I want to read something good...something positive...to go to bed with a warm feeling that says that things are gonna be ok. I cant find it...and I stop looking somewhere in the mix. I would love to be around people right now...but my lady is in Spain...my children at their mothers...and this is one of those "in-between" times. See, a perfect opportunity to pray...:) I hope that everyone is well, although by the news I dont see how that could be...I correct my statement to say that I hope that everyone is facing their challenges and are able to see the sunshine in the day. God Bless.

I am going to LA to go see Bodyworlds..... I am very excited and have looked forward to this for a long time...:) God Bless us and our families, our friends, and our enemies, watch over us all.

Another week...Thank you Lord....Work and Barnes and Noble tonight....A little dinner at a place that a coworker recommended...remind me not to listen to him again!!! It was horrible...you knot it is when you dont even take away leftovers...just leaving them on the plate....I am having good days with my middle boy and look forward to tomorrow...Goodnight and God bless!!

Well, I am in Utah. Salt Lake city.... I am here as a trainer...I like it..I try to help the guys here. It is important to help these guys know that they are doing a great job....I just want to say that I am so blessed and I know it...I went for a long walk...Thank you lord!!!

What a day!! Beautiful Lord!! Thank you....we really enjoyed the time at the beach, playing in the sand and the water...also the time with the kites....:) I hope everyone is doing well, and that the rest of the evening is wonderful...we saw deer down at the park and it was very nice. My youngest is doing well today and enjoying a movie in the other room. My lady is talking to her friends....:) She has this one friend that is going to be a single dad...I think that is wonderful...and that if it was not meant to be, then the situation would not have presented itself so openly. I wish him well, and I also told him that the biggest joys in life come from helping others, and there is such an opportunity to help our children...:) Goodnight, and thank you LORD!!!

I really feel compelled to say that the horror that occurred in Russia...in Beslan is something to be despised. I Believe in NO cause, situation or people that take over a school and kill children purposely. What do you want me to do for you today Chechyans? I will do nothing, I will turn my back...I will tell you that you have done wrong, and I will walk away. No war is fair. That word. But if you want to fight, you have weapons...no not the air dispersal weapons that have been used against you...but you do have weapons...what did those children have? Their best clothes on? You sicken me.

What a week, just barely started, on Saturday, we woke up early and went to the nursery to get some succulents, what a nursery...the pics can be seen here . I love the flowers...so majestic..but so very short lived. We then went to the swimming pool nice and full of other people. There is something to be said of hundreds of people in a swimming pool. Something like "Thank God for chlorine!!" Ha. Sunday found us at the church in San Francisco...St. Francis, cedar incense and everything...then over to Enrico's for some nice food...Calamari and burger...and then to the wax museum.... Love da wax museum....so interesting....like the electric chair that shoots air at you making your hair stand up straight....Nice....finally made it home so that we could get ready for the school day.....The first day of school Yahoo!?!!!!!! So that has been today, my son's comment was...that school is awesome!!! But tonight we had some tough times when his mom called, I know that it is hard for everyone...me included!!! But we need to move forward in this. Somehow....not to revisit the same issue over and over. This too shall pass and I need to be patient. I pray for patience Lord. For all of us.

Its been over a month...the trip to Las Vegas is far behind... you can see pictures here www.shawcamera.com . Everything has changed, the place that we live, where we play.... Now we are in San Mateo and it is beautiful..although a little expensive... My boys are doing fine...I did see my oldest for a minute in June. He and I had little to talk about now... I wont hold my breath for any changes in that arena..... :) I hope everyone is doing well, and I would just say, go to my site and check out the pictures....

I really think that we should have a really cool time in Las Vegas, which is a little while away....just a couple of weeks. My middle boy is going to be here this weekend...I cant wait...I look forward to it. Thank you God for putting me in this position to grow and to be thankful...

I am soooooo blessed, I had a wonderful weekend with my youngest...Laughed at my oldest who yelled in my ear as I drove home, a victim of not being able to pull the earphone out of my ear. I look forward to the summer with my middle boy. He is going to have a blast at summer camp. I hope that his mother will feel the same, but as I say...no expectations are the best expectations. I think it is time to look for a ceramics class. I am craving some artistic output...:) So I hope you are all doing well, and that you are safe and warm. This is my Thank YOU LORD!! Goodnight.

To the day. Thank you Lord. My girlfriend is coming back from Bali, and I await her return eagerly. I wish her well as I do all of you. Thank you Lord!!

Happy Easter. I am here in my house, alone...listening to some country comedy... laughing. I dont like being alone right now. My insides feel all funny. But I know that this too shall pass... I had a really good day though. I went and saw my youngest. Talked to my oldest on the phone. I thank God every moment for all the blessings that I have been given. Being able to see my boys and my family. It is a truly wonderful blessing. I pray for my boys and their mothers. I also pray for my girlfriend who is in Bali. I hope that she is having fun. If you love them you must set them free. If they come back then it was meant to be. :) . I hope everyone is well. Thank you Lord

I am having a hard time. I am having to make decisions that are for the future between my son and I. My girlfriend, who is such a part of my life, is having a hard time seeing what is going to be between us. I want to be the dad I know that I can be, and yet, the decisions are very hard. I know what it feels like to be a step parent. It can be very hard, very hurtful sometimes. Children know how to be hurtful, and she is not sure she wants to be the stepmother. I have to let her make up her mind. I will have to let her go. I dont want her to hurt. That is not want I want. What I want is for my son to have a normal life. As normal as it can be. I pray, and ask for answers... I feel that my will is too involved here. I just pray. I want to give each of my boys what I can. So, I finish with the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Just a side note. 21 Grams is a phenomenal movie. Intense, it makes me feel.

A prayer for the victims of the bombings in Madrid. I pray for the victims and the survivors. Please watch over them this day.

I love the new ebay commercial.... Retained a new lawyer and patiently wait for the next sequence of events to fall into place so that my life with my children can improve. Smallville is doing well, and for the most part, everything else is to. I thank you Lord for all your gifts and blessings. I hope that I can do your well. I listen for this as I go forward one step at a time...Thank you.

A great bunch of days have transpired, I am so lucky. My youngest, is doing so very well. He rode his little bike with us all over the place, probably a good 9 or 10 miles. Now this is saying alot considering the fact that he is riding a bike that has 12 inch tires. Yes, he is 5 and what a great kid he is. I missed him immediately today after I dropped him off at school.He was cheerful and his eyes were happy. :) . I thank you Lord for all these beautiful things. I hope that I have many days such as these. :)... Please Lord watch over me and my family.

Nice, smelling the air, riding my bike...reminded me of the days as a child walking my way to school. My girlfriend and I went up to the movie store to return some movies. I am sitting here watching Smallville. :) , Thank you Lord, beautiful sky and sweet smelling air. I will use this time to relax and enjoy the gifts of God. I pray that my youngest sons mom can find some peace and some help. She is working very hard, and I appreciate the effort she puts into our child and hers. God, guide her and protect her. Amen.

ps...watch over my children, my lady and my family. Keep them safe. Thank You.

Well, I did my first ebay sale today...nice little profit for something that I found in a thrift store. I am happy because it means that I will be able to get gas and pay for the bridge tolls every day. My middle son and I and my girlfriend had a very nice weekend...I will write more about it later...I am happy that we all went and got to go out in the sun. Thank you Lord for such a nice weekend.

She is coming back, my heart is happy and the house is clean. Luckily it takes about 5 minutes to clean. I just pray for her safe return. In my heart I have a new strength to do what I feel is right. I stop and look at the choices, and listen to my heart. Thank you Lord.

Today was very hard, I found myself very sensitive. Mostly about my girlfriend, who is from Spain. I do not want to take her from her home. I also realize that I have been very honest about my life and the road that I must walk to get it right again. I love her very much, but must remain with the door open for her. The choice is hers to make, and I have to ok with the choice if she makes it to leave. My heart hurts, but in the end I know that if I trust the Lord that the right choice will be made. I trust that with all my heart. For it is my heart that is on the block. I pray, and I continue to my day the best way that I know how. Thank you Lord.

I really love my children. My youngest, sitting on my lap watching a movie..."Goonies" laughs with the abandon that only a child could. He pulls me into his youth, and I dont want to let go. I experience every moment with him, loving him more and more, to my amazement. Because I thought that I loved him with everything that I had, but it grows and matures and changes all the time. I just pray that I can spend more time with him and his brothers, there is so much to do and show them and experience through their perception. I love my children, and I want to be the best father possible with them, I look forward to experiencing their own families. Thank you Lord for this precious precious gift. Let me do as you would with them and get through the times that are not so fun. I know that steel is tempered in the fire, I just pray that the fire is kind and that we have the strength to get through it....Thank you Lord. Also, I have found woman that makes me truly happy. I would love to keep her, let me be the man that she needs in her life.....

What a nice day that it has been, my youngest and I spent the day driving around, going to stores, eating in a really cool restaurant...etc. :) So, my oldest son called me to talk to me today, but I think that he was calling for my middle son, who was with my mom. This is a hard road, and one that has to be travelled lightly. My youngest son is riding his bike like a champ now. Making me smile every second. I am thinking so much about the moments. They go so quickly, and I would really like to grab each one and keep it forever. At least at this time I can. I watched the movie Spun the other day, and I have to tell you that it was a very hard movie for me to watch. I remembered the days of sitting around and doing nothing but waiting and waiting and doing nothing. I have done the 180 degree change. And my life is reflecting that now. For anyone going through the process, they would probably get frustrated, but the challenge is hanging on long enough to see the changes. I just want to say the process has been very worth it. I believe in the changes, and I believe in the path that my Lord has laid out in front of me. I love seeing and experiencing my children each and every time I am around them...:) Thank you Lord

My youngest is here today and for the rest of the weekend. We went to chinese food and now we are playing Finding Nemo...fun fun fun...:) I just wanted to say that I am praying for his mother, who is going through some hard times. I want to be supportive, but I am trying to be strong myself. I will give it up to God and I think that will be the best thing to do. :) I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and I will talk you again...

She wont let me talk to my son.... She doesnt get it. I pray that the Lord will stand by me and keep me patient and kind, that the time will go swiftly and that I can have the voice that I need in court. God be with me. Thank you Lord for all your Blessing. I pray for patience.

New firewall is up at home....nice to have one working right now...with all the nasty things out there on the net....:)
God is Great!! Went to court today for the custody of my son....and it is going well although the court scene today was sort of a joke....the commissioner totally passed over my case to get on to another one. Not my fault I say because I was there...I swear...:)
Ok....so have a great day and a greater night....I think that it is time for some tea!!! Wouldnt you agree....:O)

Sitting here eating a falafel...or however you spell it...:) Nice day at work for a Thursday...:) Have a great day and God Bless You!!!

Another Monday...I am very thankful today for the blessings that I have in my life...they are so prevalent. I spoke to my oldest son today, and he was nice...so was I and we called my mom and had a conference call. Thank you Lord. Thank you..... My job is going well, even though sometimes I dont really want to be there..You know what I mean. Last night I stopped by my..."Beginning ground in the City by the Bay" and said hello to some of the people that I started this "new" life with. It felt good. Just like the day did walking through San Francisco. I hope that everyone gets a chance to go by there and see the city. Well, I am getting ready to read some more and make my lunch for tomorrow....:) Goodnight. Know that this life is Precious and special to no end...Thank you Lord.

Happy New Year...10:00pm and all is well...tomorrow is Friday!!! Gotta Go, but will talk at cha later...:)